Scott Wilder - ish - Filed under 'god'

The Mental Cost of Debt

Last time I posted, I told you that I'm a "fixer" by nature. I see a
problem... I fix it. One of the personal issues this brings up for me
is that not only do I go about fixing the problem. But I also tend to
FIXATE on the issue at hand. That's just the way I'm wired. When I
decide to do something, I throw myself into the task whole-heartedly.

How this manifests itself in this debt war is that I tend to spend
much of my time at home sitting at the desk that's dedicated to
finances and staring at the white board. Where can we squeeze a few
extra dollars from? What's the next due date? Is getting a 3rd job
enough or will I need a 4th? Will it ever end? And while it may just
look like I'm sitting there lost in thought, I'm actually stuck in
this cycle of fixation that robs me of grace and peace.

Let me try to explain. These days I don't feel much grace. Not grace
from others. People have been wonderful, helpful and supportive. I'm
talking about that self-grace. The ability to look at yourself in the
mirror and know that it's okay to let yourself off the hook for past
wrongs. Instead I look at this mountain of debt and instead of grace,
I feel things like shame, anger, self-loathing and fear. All healthy
if kept in proper perspective. But debilitating if left to grow
unrestricted.

The peace that the bible talks about is a very abstract thing to me. I
don't know that I've ever been able to abide in that place of utter
peace for more than a few moments at a time. I do know that the more I
pursue peace, the more elusive and unknowable it seems.

And let me remind you that I have a really blessed life. I have a
wonderful, loving and supportive family (two actually), friends I
wouldn't trade for anything, a reliable income, a roof over my head,
food on the table, lots of neat toys and most importantly a faith that
is continually remaking me.

So this debt thing. It's not just about the flow of money and the fact
that it's not flowing anywhere useful. It's not even so much that more
of it is flowing out than is flowing in. This debt thing is about
finding our way back to grace and peace. With God, with people and
with myself.

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Filed under // dave dave ramsey debt family finance financial god grace makeover money peace personal The Total Money Makeover total university

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The Beauty of being an Indie Artist

So here I am. Sitting in my home office/studio. Prayerfully considering the next step in this music thing I do. I don't do it for money. I don't do it for fame. I do it because I love doing it and I think God has something unique to say though me.

While the details of the next project are still forming; I notice something very interesting. There's no pressure. Because I don't make my living with music (and no one else derives their living from me making music), I have all the freedom in the world to take my time and get it right. Getting right not just the product. But the motives and the message.

Very few professional artists and even fewer successful ones have that luxury. There is always a reason to rush the next product out the door. Anyone who is a lover of music knows the cycle. Record a CD, release the CD, go on tour, rinse, repeat. Interesting thing here is that a professionally produced CD is not cheap. And to compound problems, the sales of a CD rarely make much money for the artist. The bulk of the money goes into the pockets of the record label (You know, the lawsuit happy people funding the RIAA). So the artist is forced to tour relentlessly in order to sell product and make a little money of their own.

Here's the thing. I don't want that. Going into massive amounts of debt in the hopes that maybe someone might notice and give me a shot at a record deal? No thanks. Being away from home 50 weekends a year in the hopes of selling enough merch to scrape out a living? I would rather stay home and watch my JJ grow up.

Do I sometimes wish that the music I write might reach a wider audience? Surely. The Gospel's message of love and hope is a message I want to spread as far and wide as possible. But the freedom I have to express that same love and hope in my own unique way, in my own time and on my own terms (all with God's leading) is a freedom I'm not willing to hand over to anyone.

And that freedom is beautiful.

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Filed under // ccm cd' christian freedom god gospel independance indie industry jesus music recording riaa tour

Scott Wilder - ish

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The Mental Cost of Debt

The Beauty of being an Indie Artist